Same Difference!

I’ve had the opportunity to work with many, many churches over the last few decades.   Earlier I was thinking about this ever-growing list of churches and ministry situations that I’ve stepped into.  I departed each of these situations (some much more quickly than others!) with some indelible marks on my spirit.  Which is a testament to God and the many ways he allows us to be impacted.

Old Church, New Church, Big Church, Children’s Church, or maybe just:  The Church

Different buildings in different parts of town.  All filled with different groups of people.  With different doctrines.  Different histories.  Different priorities.  Different ways of approaching God.  Different, different, different.

Your Crazy Family 3:16

Well… yes and no.

You’ll need your Bible today.

Are you approaching a difficult life decision?
Just look in the book of What You Should Do In Every Thinkable Situation, Chapter 3, Verses 5 and 6.

Have a child who is beginning to make bad decisions?
Turn to the book of 21st Century Child Rearing, Chapter 7, Verses 11-26.

Do you have some serious doubts about this Jesus guy and what he did?
Open your Bible to Why You’re Crazy for Not Believing in Jesus 4:13-17.

Would You Read Elvis’ Bible?

Well, it’s off the market…  Elvis Presley’s personal Bible now belongs to someone new.  And since the winning bid was a mere $94,600, I assure you it isn’t me.

Elvis’ Bible

Apparently this particular Bible is his well-worn personal copy, having been used from 1957 until his death in 1977.

I also read that there was another bit of “memorabilia” from the same auction that did not find a new home.  What was it, you ask?

Try Harder!

We “attack” life, don’t we?  Most of us, anyway?

Or we at least like to “get motivated” to go out there and do, do, do!  

Achieve, achieve, achieve!

You know… “Carpe Diem” and all that.  Think about it: Seize the day!  Seize it!  Throttle it!  Throttle today into submission.  Make it give you what you need.  If not now, then when?  Seize it, I tell you!  Seize it! SEIZE IT! NOW!!!

[deep breath]

It’s exhausting.

“1,068.”

As I pushed the keys across the counter, I answered the girl’s question.  ”One thousand sixty-eight.”  She raised her eyebrows and whistled in amazement.

“Long way.”

“No kidding.  I’m exhausted.”

Ya Gotta Have Faith!

One of the greatest innovations in the true spectator sport of ‘channel surfing’ is the availability of the “Info” button.  The magical ability to know, by the simple press of a button, what a particular episode or movie is about is truly awesome!  Maybe you take this ability for granted.  But I, for one, grew up on rabbit ear antennas and changing channels by twisting a large knob on the front of the TV.  So I love being able to find out exactly which one of the 178 episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation we’re watching.

"Bones and Brennan investigate after a man is found dead."

I bring this up because of a recent description I ran across while channel surfing last week.  I imagine many of you have at least a passing familiarity with the FOX television series Bones.  This particular show has been around, according to my exhaustive Wikipedia research, since September of 2005.  So maybe you, too, will see why I thought the following episode description was amusing.  After hitting the “Info” button on a Bones episode one evening I read the following:

Bones episode description:  Booth and Brennan investigate after a man is found dead.

“Oh for grace…”

I want to start by sharing some selected thoughts today. Take them in… as snapshots of life. Don’t over-think any of it. Don’t “think ahead” of any of it.

Just let the images float through your mind. Insert yourself into the picture.

peace… with my Lord so near

my path grows brighter every day

I am safe. I am secure. From anything that would frighten or disturb me.

Fellowship, joy, blessedness and peace… just by relying on him

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Sign me up for THAT ride, friend!

Everywhere a sign…

According to the internet (the “go-to” source for incredibly reliable information):

SIGNS are everywhere…

If we only knew how to recognize them!  Or interpret them!  Or would just pay attention long enough to even see the signs!

Seriously, folks.  We’d all be so much better off if we only knew and understood the signs!

You would know:

• whether you have irritable bowel syndrome
• if the stars are correctly aligned in your astrological calendar to start a new job or new relationship
• whether your child is on drugs
• if you are watching “too much television”
• whether your spouse is cheating
• if the guy (or gal) you’re dating could be THE ONE!
• if your next door neighbor is dealing drugs
• what type of “personality” your cat has
• when it’s time to quit your job
• the world will end on May 21, 2011  October 21, 2011. never mind.
• how much fun I had researching for this blog post

There was even a movie called Signs.  Yes, it was about signs like crop circles.  But it was also about more metaphysical things.

Dragon Slaying

As soon as the dragon landed, I knew I had him.

I sprinted from cover, flames arcing from my left hand while holding my war axe ready in my right. It was a Frost Dragon. Which meant killer frost breath. Dodging the icy exhalations, I used a Dragon Shout to stop time itself.

I closed quickly, unleashing a furious barrage of swings from my trusty steel war axe. It was going to be close.

As the Shout wore off and time began to return to normal, I realized I was standing far too close to the dragon’s jaws. I ran left just as it swung its heavily scaled head in my direction. I went in for the kill knowing I had exactly zero health potions left. Running away at this point would do no good. I couldn’t heal myself in time.

Draw a circle. And then vomit.

Which one does God love the most?

Draw a circle around the one God loves the most.  And then you can puke.  Or take a shower.  Or both.

I’m not going to go into all the issues here, but the two sentences at the top are disgusting.  ”He loves some things more than others.  He gives them more gifts.”

SO FYI…

God is just someone we are all trying to get more gifts from.  Let’s all make sure we are one of the the THINGS HE LOVES THE MOST!

It’s a competition… READY… SET… GO!

—

I think I’m gonna be sick.

 

Found here.